I guess I have to take care of this myself

Laundry machine spider,
I feel for your predicament.
Sorry about the detergent,
by the way, I put it in before
I saw you there. Anyway it was
powdered. I can see by the way
your legs slip on the perforated tub
that you are nervous. Well I have
some extra courage; anyway
it would be too gross to kill you.
Let's do it this way: here's a plate.
I brought it from upstairs just for you.
Just get on it and I'll pull you up but
NOT with my bare hands or you might -
and I realize it's completely unin-
tentional on your part - crawl onto my
hand or jump down my bra, so I'm
just going to put this Garfield mug over
you - no first you have to get on the
plate Laundry Machine Spider, not -
Um. Well look, an actual garden hoe -
it's a little dirty, with dirt, but let's just
see if we can get you on the plate
with a little garden hoe motivation.
It reminds us that in times of need
unsuspected tools present themselves.
Understand that I mean no disrespect
by this prodding. So now - or, maybe
you would like to - yes, I see you
would - like to climb onto the handle
of the garden hoe, and we can just lift
you out like that. Yes, I think we under-
stand each other now, but don't run so
fast toward me, my courage is not limit-
less and I don't want to fuck this up.