One Hundred Imaginary Gifts for my Lover

Note: the real version of this may be a physical version, with each "gift" written on a separate cigarette rolling paper, and all neatly folded back together into the packet.

1. the flat stoneware bottle, fitting neatly into the palm of the hand and stoppered with blue glass, that I found in my dream;


2. a tablet of paper made from the feathers of great egrets;


3. a glass eye;


4. a strong round magnet that can be heard to sing softly with a low and continuous note;


5. the star-map on the inside of a stone;


6. six drops of pheasant blood;


7. vials of the water from the seven traditional seas;


8. cornflower blue sandals, a souvenir from Basho's travels;


9. a rubbing of a stone bearing the name of a god no longer worshipped;


10. a bit of mud dropped by a nesting swallow;


11. a love spell prepared by a voodoo priest;


12. a love spell prepared by a crazy homeless woman;


13. the skeletonized remains of a small rabbit;


14. twenty-three watercolor crayons, one for each color visible at the top of the trail at Baboon Lakes at three in the afternoon, including the color of wild raspberries;


15. a very old postcard whose sender and recipient are both dead;


16. a bucket of fresh olives;


17. a magic candle that, when lighted, gives the dark shadow of night even when it is day;


18. a cologne that smells like wet stone;


19. a cologne that smells like fireflies;


20. a photograph of a male and extremely ugly faerie, washing its face in dew from a buttercup;


21. a papier-mâché model of the Griffith Observatory, to display or to burn or to use as a piñata;


22. a bed framed with Vietnamese cinnamon bark;


23. one hundred tiny clay pots the circumference of dimes, filled with bright pigments;


24. a sheet of postage from a defunct country;


25. an audio tape of frog sounds from the Amazon in the eighteenth century, including species now extinct;


26. a telephone to speak to yourself the night before;


27. the astrological chart of the long-dead concubine of a long-dead emperor;


28. seventy-five points;


29. a bottle into which nine Catholic and nine Buddhist nuns have spat, as a good luck charm;


30. a clay cup imprinted with the fingerprints of Henry James;


31. a microscopic portrait of the Marquis de Sade made from fragments of butterfly wings;


32. a lock of hair from each of your four maternal great-grandmothers, taken on the eve of her respective eighteenth birthday;


33. an ink monkey, as the ancient Chinese sages are said to have possessed;


34. the preserved skin of a pirate bearing a tattoo of a naked woman;


35. a letter purloined from the underground postal system of a prison;


36. a treehouse;


37. the preserved pubic lice of Scheherazade;


38. a miniature star with miniature planets and asteroids;


39. a secret cache of fireworks;


40. a raccoon penis bone;


41. a prime number of six thousand digits;


42. an ancient document in an untranslated script;


43. an empty wasps' nest;


44. a letter of exoneration from the Queen;


45. a chess set carved by an apostate monk;


46. a belt cut from the hide of the Minotaur;


47. the ill-lit records room from an abandoned state asylum;


48. a three-volume treatise on the forms of sexual ecstasy;


49. a jar of fog;


50. a personal zeppelin;


51. a small waterfall down a rock wall and into your personal bathroom sink, for you to wash with;


52. a packet of perfect fish scales;


53. a newly-deceased person's schedule for the week;


54. sandals carved from sandalwood, and a matching codpiece;


55. your own skull, taken from the future with a time-scoop;


56. sealed autopsy records;


57. a necklace of the footprints of a hedgehog, the footprints made in clay and fired in a kiln into beads;


58. the address of a witch;


59. a pocket watch with movement carved from mastodon bones;


60. a railroad to the frontier;


61. an envelope of grave dirt from a child Black Plague victim;


62. the testimony of every person who has ever had a crush on you;


63. a powerful semicolon to use in argument;


64. a silk quilt;


65. a deep blue-green pigment that can dye anything, including skies, wedding anniversaries, and thoughts;


66. a phonograph record of your mother singing;


67. plans for a bank heist, including drawings, annotated in German;


68. ten vials containing the characteristic smells of the year 2073 in New York City;


69. a mature cedar;


70. a lasso to bring objects back from your dreams;


71. a toothbrush inlaid with uncut sapphires;


72. a demon trapped in an emptied eggshell;


73. a piece of glass made from lightning-struck sand;


74. a piece of ocean-tossed ambergris;


75. a ship's lantern;


76. a warm and sunny field of opium poppies;


77. the figure of Salome dancing, carved in a peach pit;


78. a bag for holding pearls, woven from spider web;


79. your own dried umbilical cord;


80. a pendant in the shape and color of the known universe;


81. a hailstone the size of your head;


82. rust shavings from an iron lock;


83. the address of Death;


84. the pineal gland of a prostitute, preserved in brine;


85. cuff links made from a meteorite;


86. an Australopithecus coprolite;


87. a bottle of glowing ink extracted from fireflies;


88. a pound of pure sodium;


89. a magic spell to make a candle burn backwards;


90. underwear made from spun vicuña fibers;


91. a loyal yak;


92. a pair of kid gloves made for your hands;


93. a heretofore-lost episode of The Twilight Zone;


94. the ashes of the burned Aztec codices;


95. a scar from the excision of regret;


96. a new name;


97. a safe deposit box to be opened in three years;


98. a microcircuit printed on a feather;


99. a statue of a Peruvian saint;


100. and a human molar from Machu Picchu.